Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Pensive

Sometimes it's tough to be pensive in a written world. Pensive is one of my favorite words, because it is often how I am. I deeply explore my thoughts and feelings and dwell on esoteric topics on a regular basis. But it's difficult to be so pensive when you don't have an amazing grasp of the English language. Sure, I speak it and understand it, but I haven't mastered it, learned how to control it, figured out how to use it to describe and explain the things I ponder. I often feel deeper than people probably recognize me as being. I refrain from commenting on their blogs and pay attention quietly, interestedly from afar, because I don't know what to say or how to add it. Sometimes the ability I see in others to assemble their words makes me feel, well, dumb. But that's OK, I guess, as long as I know the truth.

I've been very introspective lately, examining where I've been and where I'm going, both literally and figuratively. This is an exciting and scary time in my life. As someone reminded me, I am on my own life's journey, and I have to explore that regardless of where anyone else is on their own journey. It's time to measure my success on what I've learned, what I'm open to, and not merely on measurable accomplishments. I'm ready to explore hermitdeb's world, and hopefully that will lead to exploration of the world at large.

This weekend I'll be making my first trek to Maryland with the eyes of a new resident. I'll be bleary-eyed from a whirlwind trip and even more so when I return. But in a mere two short days, I plan to reconnect with my wife, meet with realtors, view the beauty of an east coast autumn, and do plane yoga (Jet Blue has a guide, although I started to read about yoga in general, and hope to find a way to incorporate it into my life... I'm on a spiritual path lately, and I really hope to continue it). I hope, whether or not I am able to express it in writing, I also have time to be a little pensive.

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