Thursday, June 16, 2005

We Can Rule the World!

My wife and I were having dinner last week, and finally collected our thoughts on various MD phenomenons into one cohesive idea. We've decided that we could rule the world.

OK, maybe not the world... perhaps just the greater DC metropolitan area. Beware: I'm about to insult everyone living within a 300 mile radius.

People here are stupid. Aside from the fact that they can't drive in the lines, can't design traffic lights that are timed, don't know that opossums and possums are the same thing, and can't understand why I'm upset that sourdough is a totally foreign food here, I don't know how they get anything accomplished with the work ethic that exists.

Let's recap some of my jobs. How about the one where I worked all night long (2 days straight) to finish a project we knew had problems so we could deliver it wrong, just to fulfill our contractual obligation to deliver in time... followed by the reward of working on 4th of July weekend to fix the problem? What about the job where I helped make a religious propaganda film to poison the minds of children in Third World countries [www.thegodman.com] by essentially working 80-100 hour weeks and frequenting the sofa of the workplace? How about the job where I worked 2 full months EVERY consecutive day to meet a deadline? Or the job I had to drive to from Clarement to Santa Monica to Burbank on a Saturday to deliver a tape because I was the only one with a key?

OK, maybe I'm the one who's stupid. But that's the work ethic I came from. I now work basically 9-5, sometimes 6. And granted, I'm being paid accordingly. However, if a deadline gets missed, the only repurcussion is "Let's try harder next time." If it gets "late," it's time to go home and it will just have to wait for tomorrow. I've heard co-workers complain many times of how crazy busy they were after witnessing them talk all day long about personal matters, and how late they stayed, after hearing them talk about leaving at (oh my gosh, brace me!) 7 or 7:30pm.

And it doesn't seem like my co-workers are alone in this concept. Another friend told me it is the same where she works. And my wife... don't get me started on the stupidity of the police department here. Someone asked her how come she walks all the way around the back of the police car to approach a stopped vehicle rather that cross in front of it. She explained that she remains out of the headlights, so she is not backlit for the suspect to see her very well, and also so if the police car is hit from behind she won't be sandwiched in between. Her "training" cop says it isn't a problem to cross in front because he parks far enough away so if the car does get hit he'll have enough time to jump out of the way. No kidding.

Now, I realize this is where most of our country's leaders live and work. And perhaps all the brainpower goes into the political spectrum here, so none is left for the civilian population. But I doubt it. It's just a totally different work ethic. It's not to say there aren't any smart people here. Obviously, there are people who were smart enough to get to the top and tell us lemmings what to do each day. But gosh darn it. My wife feels she could easily be Chief here, and I don't disagree. And I for one am TOTALLY underutilized at work. Heck, everyone is.

I'm not the cutthroat type who wants to rip everyone else off so I can get ahead in life financially or otherwise. And that's what it seems the partners at my company were talking about the other night after softball. And there is definitely something to be said for finally having a life outside of work. So, maybe I'm just not cut out to exist in the top tier. But if I could just get one great idea that I was also passionate about... If my wife and I could set up a company and employ the people we knew back in L.A.... Wow, we'd be unstoppable if this was our competition. If this was the alternative, we could rule the world!

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